Insanely Broken

i honestly don’t know how I’m going to get through a whole year of school…i better keep myself busy…like most do say, three is a crowd.

i become even more awkward when things have to come to an end, and i have to say goodbye. I’m not sentimental at all. perhaps the opposite.

if happy ever after did exist, i would still be holding you like this..all those fairytales are full of shit, one more fucking love song ill be sick.

i don’t really understand this particular subject at all. i don’t get it when girls continue to date someone, even when the warning are there to see. I’m sorry, but please don’t pull all that naive shit on me, like you have no idea when its going on. you know when a guy is cheating or when he’s not treating you right. sorry if I’m the only one who thinks this, but when i see someone act like this, i see it as a sign of being desperate, but also as being pathetic and co-dependent. what does having this cheating, lying and horrible ‘boyfriend’ do for you? is it for the sex? to feel like you’re better than others? well, lets just get something straight here. don’t you wanna be happy? don’t you want to feel good about yourself? then why does this get in the way? honestly, if you’re holding onto someone just to show single people “hey someone loves me, and you have noone” then its really doing more bad then good. when everyone around you sees how bad your relationship is, then you look like the complete fool. and to top it all off (like i said before) you look desperate.  Everyone, lets all try something…its called CONFIDENCE AND INDEPENDENCE  being a girl myself, i know that love doesn’t need to come right away. it should wait.

follow me! i swear ill follow right back…and i promise ill write some more fun stuff ;)

i dont think people really understand how much my carrier and my future mean to me. i literally spend most of my days and nights thinking about my future life as a working woman. i fantasize about who ill be friends with, and what i will do.  im not kidding when i say that lately, i think about 80% of the time, which means these thoughts consume my life. of course, i finally get to a stepping stone actually a BIG stepping stone, and i fuck up. i mean we all make mistakes, but why do i have to do it at this point?? i make a really bad first impression, and now it just sticks. weather you like to think it or not, people dont really forget your actions at all. i thought i was doing the right thing, but i guess i wasnt. now, all around me i feel like the one least liked, the one left out. i feel like everyone else is close, and im stuck behind. now, most people would be like “fuck it” but i cant let it go, as much as i want to. I want to hold my head up high and say ” i dont need this:” but i cant. god, i hate letting people down. this couldve went so well. now i fucked it up. cool..gotta love life. but maybe this means something. and i hope its not “now you learned from your mistake” or “what doesnt kill you makes you stronger”. i want it to mean “theres another BETTER carrier path in store for you, just not this one, and we wanted to let you know that by doing this”. i need to get this off my mind, i need to get this off my mind, i need to get this off——- but, i wont.

wow, whatta bitch. its like i dont even exist. and when i do, youre a bitch to me…really, all good. karma will slap you real good someday.